If every cloud has a silver lining, gratitude is the window for viewing the storm clouds of your life to see that lining. You can choose resentment, if you prefer, but you’ll have a different experience.
Shit happens. You can see it as a mess you have to deal with or a pile of fertiliser; a disaster or an opportunity.
You’re not likely to see an event as a growth opportunity if you’re resentful about it showing up in your life. Consider the event so many ‘love’ songs are dedicated to – the broken heart. Where’s the opportunity there? What is there to be grateful about in being rejected by the love of your life?
If the one who has left you for someone else is happy, you could be grateful for their happiness. I mean, if you love them, don’t you want them to be happy? You could be thankful for being released from that relationship so that you can meet someone else. Think back over your experience of relationship endings. Would you be with your current lover if someone else hadn’t decided you were not the one? Ever met that first love years later and been grateful it didn’t work out? Some of us have. Maybe that’s an advantage of being around for awhile, you get to be grateful for having been spared the consequences of errors of judgement made in your misinformed youth.
A long time ago, when I was much younger and less aware, I had the dumped experience. I sure as hell didn’t consider gratitude back then. I was too busy feeling devastated and suffering from being broken hearted. Fortunately, as time passed I grew tired of feeling sorry for myself and took the risk of meeting someone else. A few broken hearts later, some of which I broke (a bloke had to even the score didn’t he?), I’d had enough experience of life to discern the difference between love and lust, and I met the woman who is still married to me. Thanks, sweetheart.
So, with hindsight, I’m grateful for the broken heart experience. And yes, for readers of the previous post, I have forgiven myself for all those ‘not so kind’ thoughts I harboured about the girl that decided I was not the one. I only feel love when I think of her now, and I am grateful for the experience of the relationship.
The lover doesn’t change as a person just because he or she changes partners. You can be grateful for having known them or you can be miserable because you’re on your own again.
Over time I’ve come to understand that broken hearts are a sign of attachment or dependence. Feeling broken hearted is more about you and what you think you have lost. It’s about having handed over your power to be happy to someone else. It’s a misinterpretation of self-value.
No-one takes anything away from who you are when they leave. You were perfect just the way you were before they arrived, and you’re still perfect just the way you are now that they’re gone, no matter how they left.
It’s okay to miss them. It’s okay to release them. It’s okay to love yourself just the way you are. It doesn’t matter what anybody else thinks about you – it’s all in their mind. You only have to be concerned with what’s in your mind, and as I discussed a few posts ago, you get to choose that.